Self-Portrait Response
Let me begin by stating that I am in complete awe at my classmates self-portraits. Each film was different as is the students in our class. I cherish the intimate environment and community I have had the opportunity to grow alongside with throughout this semester.
Woah-- my self-portrait was a heavy weight on my shoulders that I have been trying to lift for years, maybe even my lifetime. I put my heart and soul out there in a manner where I could truly communicate the way I see the world and the pain that has accompanied it. When I finished it, I allowed my parents to view it. I was embarrassed to show this film to my family due to its intimate nature and my fear of abandonment, but my family now truly understands the things I have been feeling. My family would always tell me I am being dramatic, but within the art form it carried a weight that they did not know existed. I made it a goal to truly exhibit the confessional nature of experimental filmmakers. I did not make this film to seek attention, for that was my greatest fear in class, but a portraiture of a young artist who has danced with depression for as long as I could remember. I wanted it to be a piece to inform the audience that you never know what is going in internally from the external. I wanted it to comfort or maybe even one person who felt alone because they aren't. There are people around you who feel the same way as you do. After the film is finished being shown to the class, I hope it can provide some sort of comfort to at least one person. I wanted to visually capture the invisible forces of depression. I wanted to comment on depressions parallel with the wind. For they cannot be seen or photographed, they can only be felt by those who are willing to feel.
When I was making this film, it was merely a direct interaction with the art-- I did not let myself truly feel the weight of my pain, for it was therapeutic, but after watching it after its completion, I felt as if I was being reintroduced to myself for the first time. I felt a series of emotions, but mostly ashamed. Ashamed of who I was and this pain I have been carrying, but now I perceive myself as a form of resilience. After a week of anxiety, I have taken a breath and have realized I am ready to show this film to my peers. I am ready to expose myself.
Woah-- my self-portrait was a heavy weight on my shoulders that I have been trying to lift for years, maybe even my lifetime. I put my heart and soul out there in a manner where I could truly communicate the way I see the world and the pain that has accompanied it. When I finished it, I allowed my parents to view it. I was embarrassed to show this film to my family due to its intimate nature and my fear of abandonment, but my family now truly understands the things I have been feeling. My family would always tell me I am being dramatic, but within the art form it carried a weight that they did not know existed. I made it a goal to truly exhibit the confessional nature of experimental filmmakers. I did not make this film to seek attention, for that was my greatest fear in class, but a portraiture of a young artist who has danced with depression for as long as I could remember. I wanted it to be a piece to inform the audience that you never know what is going in internally from the external. I wanted it to comfort or maybe even one person who felt alone because they aren't. There are people around you who feel the same way as you do. After the film is finished being shown to the class, I hope it can provide some sort of comfort to at least one person. I wanted to visually capture the invisible forces of depression. I wanted to comment on depressions parallel with the wind. For they cannot be seen or photographed, they can only be felt by those who are willing to feel.
When I was making this film, it was merely a direct interaction with the art-- I did not let myself truly feel the weight of my pain, for it was therapeutic, but after watching it after its completion, I felt as if I was being reintroduced to myself for the first time. I felt a series of emotions, but mostly ashamed. Ashamed of who I was and this pain I have been carrying, but now I perceive myself as a form of resilience. After a week of anxiety, I have taken a breath and have realized I am ready to show this film to my peers. I am ready to expose myself.
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